You’re finding it hard to deal with a recent or sudden loss

It’s been hard to move on from your loss, even though the shock has passed

you need some help to cope with grief

When we experience a loss of someone or something we loved, our mind does a remarkable thing. It takes us on a journey or through a process called grieving. This is a painful process but a necessary one. It is remarkable because, ultimately, it allows us to heal. But the pain, or grief, can be hard to bear. It can often feel overwhelming. And we’re not always sure what to do or how to act. 

Understanding Grief and Loss

There are some losses that society tends to minimize, such as the loss of a job or a pet. Others are incomprehensible, such as a sudden death or suicide. But, whatever the loss, the challenge is the same: how do we cope with the loss? How do we grieve? 

Given that grieving is an internal process, everyone experiences it differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is also no timeline. Often, we are expected to get over the loss, to get through the grief. But, with grief, there is no Google map telling us how long it will take to get to our destination. In fact, there is no map. Period. 

infographic with a purple person and the word grief. Begin grief counseling in healdsburg, ca with dr. colin baptie 95448 to cope with grief and loss. You can also get online therapy in California here for grief counseling in the San Francisco area.

This is why people sometimes find it helpful to go to grief counseling. The purpose is to have someone with you on part or all of the journey. The role of your grief counselor or therapist is not to navigate your journey (they don’t have a map either) but to be with you so that you are not alone. Their role is to hear and witness your pain, to help you make sense of the loss and to not feel so overwhelmed. 

Stages of Grief

We tend to think of grief as occurring in five stages. These are:

  • Denial

  • Anger

  • Bargaining

  • Depression

  • Acceptance

But these stages are merely a framework, they are a way to help us learn how to live with loss. They are not linear and do not always happen. They signify the type of responses that many people have to loss. But, there is no typical response, just as there is no typical loss. Grief is always individual. 

Types of Grief

sad teddy bear looks out the window. Begin grief counseling in healdsburg, ca with dr colin baptie 95448. You can also get therapy for grief and loss with online therapy in California with an online therapist near San Francisco.

Just as we think of grief in different stages, we also know that there are different types of grief. The loss that we experience shapes our experience of grief. For example, for some people, their grief has been complicated by other factors. There may have been multiple losses, all at once or over time. They may have some unresolved issues with someone who died or their loss may stem from an unforeseen disaster.

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief means that we stay stuck in our grief. It’s as if we reach a point on the journey where something blocks our path forward. So, we have to find another route. People who experience complicated grief may experience mood disorders or emotional disorders such as anxiety, depression, or PTSD.

Anticipatory Grief

Sometimes we fear loss when it has not yet occurred but we know it will. This is anticipatory grief. We try to get on with our daily lives but, at the back of our mind, is the knowledge that we will lose someone we love. Anticipatory grief is often silent. We keep it to ourselves. But, we go through the same stages of grief. Then, when the loss does occur we go through them again. Experiencing anticipatory grief may or may not make the grieving process easier. Every experience is different. 

Delayed Grief

For some, grief may be delayed. In other words, the feelings of grief may not occur immediately after the loss. It may be several years before they emerge. It may not be obvious that you are, in fact, grieving a loss. Or it could be that another loss now triggers an intense response that incorporates much of the grief that was not experienced before. 

Disenfranchised grief

Any grief that is judged or minimized in some way is referred to as disenfranchised grief. Perhaps your loss was due to a miscarriage, an overdose, or drunk driving. You may have lost a pet, a job, or your health. This grief is sometimes defined as a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned, or publicly mourned.

Ambiguous Grief

Ambiguous grief occurs when you don’t understand the loss. It leaves you searching for answers. Perhaps a family member disappears, or is in a state of cognitive decline. You ask yourself “am I still married to my missing spouse?” or “can I still be a child to a parent who no longer remembers me?” 

Other Kinds of Grief

In many cases, grief is dealt with in a resilient, practical way rather than with much emotional expression. This is sometimes called “keeping a stiff upper lip” or “rolling with the punches.” 

Finally, many people experience grief intensely but it slowly weakens over time. Eventually, they are able to accept the loss and, possibly, find meaning in it.

Support for Grief and Loss

There are many wonderful resources available for people experiencing grief. Grief.com is a good place to start. But, sometimes, extra help is needed. Working with a therapist or grief counselor can give you an opportunity to move through the harder parts of grief. Your loss is unique, which means that the support you need is also going to be unique. A therapist will work with you to understand where you are in your grief process and what, if anything, is keeping you stuck. 

My Approach To grief counseling

rainbow butterfly representing freedom from grief and loss. Get help coping with the stages of grief and loss in healdsburg, ca with grief counseling with colin baptie 95448 or in online therapy in California for grief counseling.

Loss is a sad but inevitable part of life. So, it comes up often in therapy. My approach to helping people with their grief is based on positive psychology. This is a scientific study of the strengths that enable people to thrive. Many people tend to be very hard on themselves as they move through the grieving process. Often, the pain of grief is handled in such a way that it increases suffering. But, while pain from loss is inevitable, suffering is optional. My approach to grief counseling is to help you learn new ways to decrease suffering. It won’t remove the pain. You will feel pain because you loved. But, in time, the pain you feel will give way to the love that you felt - and still feel.

Start Grief CounselinG IN SANTA ROSA, CA, OR online

As a psychologist with specific training in grief counseling, I have worked successfully with many people who have experienced a loss. If you need help and support while you go through this difficult time, follow these steps:

  1. Contact me to set up a free 15 minute phone consultation

  2. Schedule an initial counseling session where we can discuss your loss and the ways I can help you

  3. Begin working on your grief in a supportive and productive way

OTHER THERAPY SERVICES OFFERED BY COLIN BAPTIE, PSY.D

I offer many counseling services in my therapy practice including treatments for depression and anxiety, ADHD, and couples counseling. I offer online therapy in California to treat a variety of mental health concerns. My counseling blog contains information on relevant mental health topics. Reach out to me to learn more about the many ways I can help you.